Stop and Smell the Hollyhocks...

The God I know and love does not require me to be happy all the time. He enjoys whatever expression I send His way. That includes joy as well as sorrow, delight as well as frustration, excitement as well as boredom. A fully-developed relationship with God is one where I share all of me.

"Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised." -American Proverb

Today I am feeling rather contented. Which is a little strange, but hey I'm goin' for it. And I am taking back what I have lost in trying to please everyone but myself. To thine own self be true, and writing is one of my joys. So whether I am funny one day, sad another day, or a complete dimwit the other, I plan to continue to be true to the person I am. A woman, a mom, a friend, a sister, a wife, a business owner, a therapy lover ;) haha so funny but it's true, a writer of songs and stories, and whatever else I feel like doing that day!
I was once reminded by a very dear and old friend who was my mentor for many years that life is all about "for fun and for free". Now she knew full well that life isn't free, but the point of the tellin' is that if we focus on doing what we love, with the heart of "for fun or for free", that the burdens of life are lifted and suddenly we realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves, as we give our lives over to the care of God one day at a time, with our hearts in the right place.
This is not exactly the heart of the business world. I know. I have been dealing with the business world for the past three and a half years with business people saying things to me like, "What? What is Music with Mommie exactly? Do you like dance in a circle and things?"
Business men, in general, don't exactly get it.
I will respond with something like "We are an early childhood music and movement program that teaches important life skills to young children, builds community among moms and enhances the mother-child bond."
To which I generally get a cock-eyed cocker spaniel look.
I was relieved and amazed to work with a marketing company nearby who were the first "business people" to actually affirm what I was doing. And who could actually translate my right brained self into a marketing plan that is walkable.
So I breathe...
And I say to myself, "If this is God's will, and this is God's company, and I put Him first and do my part, admit where I fall short and do my best, the results are not in my hands, they are in His."
And that is where I am today.
I do my part, and I leave the results to God.
The challenge is in staying in today. As a mother I can completely lose myself in my children, my husband, my house, making meals, trying to figure out how to get my laundry done, the MwM website reworked, the marketing plan put into walkable bullet points, get my animals fed, my house remodel finished, my dogs bathed, my children fed, my toenails painted by someone other than a two year old... And I can forget to breathe. To stop and smell the hollyhocks.
But when I do, I am so glad I did.
Because life is in the right now. And right now I am living it.
Earlier this morning, after my husband left for the office, I grabbed my guitar, sat on the farmhouse front porch and sang my songs as my children played in their sandbox. The birds sang right along with me and my Basset Hound, Hank, didn't even howl.
That was progress.
And my heart went glad when I stopped momentarily and my daughter in her sandbox, who I didn't even think was listening said,
"Keep singing mama!"
So contentment is God's gift to me today. Because I cannot give that to myself. It is a gift. And a gift I am thankful for.
All for the giving, and the taking,
And the planting.
Progress, not perfection-
Stacy

Be Still and Know...

When I was a little girl, I thought of God as a big man who required Shirley Temple curls, three teired fancy dresses and shiny black shoes on Sundays to want to be with me. I often wondered why my mother had to drop me off in pink, funkily painted, cenderblock rooms for Sunday School to learn about God. I mean, wasn't God OUTSIDE? "He isn't in here", I would think. He's "out THERE".
I have always experienced God in nature. I remember spending time down at the creek when I was a kid, just to watch the water roll by. No thoughts at all. Just ripples and light and the sound of water running off the rocks.
I guess I have always wondered why people complicate God so.
The birds of the air, they do not labor or spin, and look all of their needs are provided.
They don't complicate things. They just take their worms and run. "Thank you very much", says the bird and hums a little tune.
They don't fuss about theology, or play in bands, or take up collections for buildings, or convince people of their sins. They just flitter about, little this little that, and we watch them in awe, in nature, and think, "Wow. God is a big God to make all this, huh? Just for me."
My children and I wake up in the mornings and first thing we do is go look out the farmhouse window and see if the birds are awake yet, and if they are eating their bird seed next to the big oak tree.
As I watch my little boy and my little girl look out the window, it reminds me of that Dr. Suess book where the little boy and the little girl are looking out the window, except it's not raining and the Cat in the Hat isn't really coming over. That's the difference between real, and well, not.
And I have been reminded that we, we humans, especially me, have a tendency to mold our image of what we want our life to look like and then put it on God like, "Here ya go, this is what I want, deliver buddy. Turn some tricks and make it funny." With our laundry list of expectations.
Some of us learn fast, others of us slow, sometimes painfully slow, that it doesn't quite work that way. God and Dr. Suess are very different you see. And I've had it backwards quite a while.
It goes more like this: "God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me, and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self so that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, so that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Love, Thy Power and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always."
That is a prayer of surrender.
And there is no easier, or softer way.
Thy will, not my will be done.
And then I realize, while I am watching the birds out my window, that He has been here all along. Been with me all the while. Sitting and watching with me out my farmhouse window. Waiting for me to surrender my "idea" of Him. So that I can see him sitting right beside me. And he's not in a hurry at all.
And then I realize that the fear of people and of economic insecurity have left me.
And I can sit and watch in peace.

The Gift Of A Seed...

Sunshine does me a world of good. And gratitude. I spent the morning planting seeds, garden walkways, painting an old picnic table, picking up sticks and putting them on the firepit, rummaging through the pile of rocks from the 100 year old chimney we removed from our farmhouse 2 1/2 years ago, and watched my half-naked son in amazement as he pee-peed on a tree for the first time, all by himself, and then pooped in the garage right by our pet bunny Lola. "Just like Joshua." he said, referring to the potty book his Mimi reads to him regularly, as with faith she reads knowing that one fine day my Lukey will up and "get it".
Sunshine after a good rain does my soul good. I have two weeks off of school to gather my thoughts, do some gardening, spend time with my children without thinking of tests and papers and group projects. Between school and work and raising two children on a farm, I have been reminded by an old and dear friend that I have at some level "lost myself". So easy to do as a mother trying to do everything right.
And yet in my heart I feel like I have turned a corner. I can't quite explain it, but it is a permission I have finally given myself to succeed, and do what is in my heart to do, kind of a recollecting of old dreams put into a new format and nobody but me could say, "Here you go gal, go for it."
I have had friends along the way encourage me with gusto, mentors who believed in me, a mother who thinks I'm wonderful (nothing like a mama that thinks you're wonderful even when you're not acting so wonderful), but I have come to realize that until you believe in yourself, no amount to belief from others can take you from the bed to the car to the destination unless you decide you deserve it.
"I was raised in an alcoholic home", has been my internal excuse most of my life. That "home" is now a thing of the past, only a fragment in my mind, even if alive most days in my heart, and I have to come to a place where I am willing to lay down the past and not allow it to control my present and future any longer.
Only I can decide if my dreams are worth reaching.
Only I can decide if going out on a limb is worth the risk.
Only I can decide if the risk is worth taking, and life is full of risks, isn't it?
Nobody promised me life would be easy.
And I cannot continue to compare my insides with others outsides.
I have to come to a place where the sun is worth enjoying, my gifts are worth sharing, and believing in myself maybe will be that bit of perfume that helps other women believe in themselves as well.
We've bought a granny sack full of lies- lies that we are not worth success, that having money is "un-holy", that shouldn't we be more "humble".
I'm not sure where exactly I picked all this up, but today, in the sunshine, somewhere among all the seeds, I laid it all down.
And today I am looking forward to seeing the sprouts, and the flowers and the harvest.
Amazing what a gift of seeds will do.
All for the giving, and the taking.
And the planting.
-Stacy

You Know You're Alive When You're Still Dreamin'

Today I had the fun opportunity to visit Music with Mommie class in Cool Springs and had a great time. And some things occurred to me. Number one. Wow that this class still exists. Number Two. Can't believe my daughter is going to turn five in May. Number Three. In a few weeks, we will begin taking applications for moms with musical backgrounds who would like to teach Music with Mommie class in their communities. Number Four. I can't believe it. The mere fact that this class still exists without me teaching it is amazing to me, really. I'm kind of dumbfounded. It's like up there with walking on water.
For those of you that do not know, I am working as a therapeutic case manager (contract work) for LifeCare Family Services while finishing up my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from Trevecca Nazarene University. My plan and dream is to first, get my license working with an agency. And then, God willing and I live, I want to build on to the back of my farmhouse and start a private practice called Sunnybrook Counseling for Kids.
In the meantime, I am in grad school (three semesters left somebody tell me I can do this), juggling swim lessons, a two year old boy who wants me to take him to the zoo for the monkeys to raise him, and I just might, my husband who has worked in the music industry for 20 years and has a crazy schedule, and my daughter who is smarter than me....
Oh and then there is the fact we are taking care of a FARM. Yes people I just don't know when to quit. But I think I have officially hit my limit, which is a good thing. Limits are good ;)
I am a person so full of ideas it makes me crazy. I was so comforted in my grad school personality development class when I found out my personality type is the one that most entreprenuers have. They should tell you this in elementary school. Seriously people. I should have known that a long time ago.
I wake up in the night with ideas, I drive, I get ideas. Thankfully my husband listens. He does a lot of smiling and nodding. He listens a lot. He has probably grown several pairs of ears since he married me almost 12 years ago. Thank God for ears.
Anyways, I digress. So I am really happy that Music with Mommie finally, and I say FINALLY, has the opportunity to grow. We are getting a new website look- thanks to JOE DESIGN the most wonderful designer God ever made that I am so happy to get to work with. And so here is my dream. You wanna' hear it?
My dream is that I get to work as a child therapist on my farm. And that I get to see moms all over the country take this class. Is that so hard? Is that realistic? I'm just askin' because sometimes I think am I dreaming too big here? Am I just impatient or what?
Yeah. Prob'ly impatient. (I am hearing Eeyore in my head right now.)
I have another dream too if you wanna' hear it.
I wanna' do another record. OKAY there I said it I wanna' do another record.
In all my spare time.
That's it for today folks. I'm signin' off.
Over and out.
Just keepin' you updated.
Stacy-

"Biscuits" by Lukey

Hi Max.
Hi Hanky.
Hi Chicken.
Hi Kitty Kitty.
Big red door opens.
I play piano.
All done.
Biscuits!!
I make biscuits with mommy.
Stir stir stir
Stir the biscuits.
Cook now.
Sit in my seat.
Sissy in her seat.
Butter now.
Jelly now.
Honey now.
We eat biscuits.
All done.
Big mess.
Boots on.
Help daddy.
Barn.
Feed chickens.
Bok Bok Bok Bok
Big cow.
Moooooooo.....
Walk with daddy.
Cow poop.
Pond now.
Throw rocks.
POW! Wow.....
Walk now.
Hi horses!
Carrots.
Mmmmmm.....
Walk now.
Walk with mommy.
Tired.
Farmhouse!
Boots off.
Rest now.
Bed now.
Nap nap.......sleeeeepy sleep.....dreamin' of......
BISCUITS!!!!!!

Jesus and an Ice Cream Sandwich

Conversations with a 4 year old.

Me: "Ya'll wanna split an ice cream sandwich?" Rebekah: "Can I have the biggest piece?" Me: "Well yes, but if you want to know what Jesus would do- He would give your brother the biggest piece." Rebekah: "Well I'm not Jesus."

You never know what a four year old will say. Or a two year old for that matter, but for this conversation we're talkin' bout my four year old.
So THIS conversation got me to thinkin'. WOULD Jesus have shared the bigger half of his ice cream sandwich?
Now I'm not talking about Jesus at 30 when he was an adult. You know the "Adult" Jesus who hangs on crosses in churches and is very, very serious in antique Bible books. I'm talkin' bout FOUR YEAR OLD Jesus. Would HE have shared his ice cream sandwich. We do a lot of talkin' about baby Jesus and died-on-the-cross Jesus. We don't do a lot of talkin' about four year old share your ice cream sandwich Jesus.
So let's talk. What do you think??

Little Cabin in the Woods

Little Cabin in the Woods - I remember...

How do I love thee
Let me count the ways
I love thy dirt and cracks
And mouse droppings
I love the birds chirping
And the chicken hiding underneath
I love the outhouse
The bear hanging oh so cleverly
I love the blue moon
Knocking it's entrance
I love the rock pathway
to the garden overgrown
with tomatoes and weeds
and the oversized Boy Scout swing
Made of tree trunks
And the old wicker swing
Homemade wood to replace
It's decrepity
I love the bentwood lounge
Rickety and never quite level
I love the old coondog
The mutt dog
The annoying cat
named after my grandfather
to no fault of his own
I love the three mile walks
Past the creek
Past the old cabin
the doctor built but never visited
I love Grandpa and Grandma's
70 year old white farmhouse
Full of their patraticky things
they never threw away
And the five broken down lawnmowers
Waiting for the depression to strike once again
I love the shed full of moss covered
Garage sale items waiting for
Miss Suzy to come and open once
Again for summer. Monday through Friday 9am-1pm
With lemonade to spare
I love the oil lamps burning
Warming my cottage like a
Painting by Norman Rockwell
and the smell of the
Wood stove
Cooking breakfast
with black iron skillets and
my husband with his apron
And his boyish smile
I love the owl hoo
The wolves' crazy wild parties
When all is sleeping
I love the creeking doors
The fact that none of the doors
Have ever locked
And the shotgun holes
through all the entryways
I love the well pump
And the sound of dogs lapping
After a good romp chasing
The airplanes
I love the wild turkey families
And the baby deer
But most of all
I love my free spirit
My wandering mind
In all of it's aloneness
Swinging in the trees.