Walking On Sunshine

There is a joy in living that we must each find for our own. For me, walking at sunrise with a friend can put a lot into perspective. I get to vent, we get to connect and catch up, and by the time the 3 1/2 mile walk is over with, I have exercised, breathed fresh air, received vitamin D from the sunshine and had a big glass of water. What else do you want? Who needs Prozac when you've got all that?

I'm an emotional eater. Always have been, probably always will be. Kind of like an alcoholic, it's just in me. When I'm in distress? First thing I think of is a chocolate. When I'm a little bored? Time to cruise the frig. Feeling a little uncomfortable? I think I need a snack. Something crunchy to make me less pissed.

But I'm learning. I'm better today than I was a year ago. I'm growing and changing and I have lots and lots of hope. Hope that I am worth a walk. Worth those veggies I am chopping for a salad. Worth the purified water and the organic bananas, and even the hormone replacement therapy that God knows my husband needed me on a decade ago. Geez Louise.

I'm worth a lot. A lot more than I ever realized. I think there was a time I questioned if I was worth the air I was breathing. My entire self-image was wrapped up in how big my butt was. No longer.

You see I'm learning... even through cracked pots, that I am a child of God. And I don't say that cliche'. I really am. We all are. Big and small, fat and tall, black and white and red and yellow. All children. Children on a big playground. And God is holding us in the palm of his hand.

It's hard to know who you are when you were raised in a dysfunctional, loud, chaotic alcoholic home. Hard to pretend you know who you are as a mother when the voices in your head (the "committee") are shouting your name and calling out obscenities while you are trying to get a moment's peace.

But deep down, deep inside your soul of soul's, you know who you are. The answer is inside you, and it says things like this...

"I am secure. I am loved. I am significant. I am accepted. All is well. I am at perfect peace and ease. I am a friend of God and free of condemnation. I am confident that God will complete the good works He began in me. I am happy to look the world in the eye. I am true to myself and false to no man. I have not been given a blanket of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. I may approach life and love with freedom and confidence. I am free and happy. Fear of people and of economic insecurity have left me. I am God's child."

Over time, the mind renews itself. Negativity slips away. We intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us, and we suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. We have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even ourselves, and suddenly we realize that that Twinkie doesn't look as appealing as it once did. After all, a Twinkie can do only what a Twinkie can do. It never makes it to your heart, only to your stomach and backside. (Well mine anyways.)

So here's to health and happiness. Here's to that walk with a friend that turns into freedom, health and happiness and miles of laughter and tears turned into strong legs and delighted hearts. Look left and look right, I'm sure there is a neighbor, a friend, a walking buddy just around your corner. And even if you have to wake up at 4:15 in the morning, remember there's that joy for living we must each find for our ourselves, and you never know, it might just be when the sun comes up.