A Hobble Well Done

There are times in life when you feel like you are really moving forward, really making headway- Making a leap. And then there are times when you feel like you have make one big fat U-turn and are starting out right where you started to begin with. There are times in life when you want to quit and say, "I've been here. I've done this. I'm over it." And then there are times, you simply have to press through and say, "Even though I've been here, I'm going to press forward and move into the unknown. Leap forward with expectation for the best."

Leaps are funny. Some are off cliffs. Some are on the ground, like a pas de bourree glisside jete in ballet. Some are elephant to elephant in circuses, some are in 400-meter races in the Olympics and some at home with babies. Like mine. When I wasn't able to breastfeed my son as an infant and I, with the unspoken permission of my six week old who seemed to say, "Mama, it's okay. You can do it mama. Go, go! I'll be fine!!", decided to go back to school and get my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, with this underlying oompha inside that I was somehow destined to use my voice and life to counsel, and speak, and write and share my journey with the music of life in all it's imperfections, even though I am scared, and I belittle myself, and I constantly look for approval and hope and direction.

And here I am, I am almost finished. I can see the finish line right ahead of me. It's been quite a race, and a lonely one at that I may add. I have given up my social life for books, and papers and presentations, and exams, and a few precious friendships that I have managed to maintain that have gotten sweeter and sweeter like the honeysuckle in spring that grows behind my old farmhouse. Like the old quilt on my daughter's bed that my own grandma and great-grandma made while I hid beneath their quilting rack as a 4 year old girl on vacation in Arkansas, one of my earliest and most beautiful memories, I see how God, in all his goodness, has been patch-working my life to make something beautiful, in His eyes all along. And I am simply a vessel, being stitched together by His hand, trusting moment by moment, that in the end, the work of art will be worth the wait. And if I fall apart, he'll put me back together in due time, and one day I will see the clear picture. Hindsight is 20-20 you know.

So here's to leaping. Leaping with grace, or hobbling along... which is what I am feeling today. A bit of a hobbler. Two leaps up, one leap back. Two hobbles up, one hobble back. But I know one thing. I'm not where I was a year ago. I'm not where I was two months ago. I am inching forward by the grace of a loving God. And when I'm tired, when I'm spent, He picks me up, every pound, and carries me effortlessly over the finish line. "You've done well my child. You've finished the race. With me in tow. And thanks for the asking."